Jasbina Ahluwalia
is an Indian-American attorney turned entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host and Matchmaker / Dating
Coach. She is the Founder / President of Intersections Match, the only Elite
Personalized Matchmaking & Dating Coaching Firm in the
country serving Selective Singles of South Asian descent Nationwide in the U.S. Jasbina is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio, a
monthly holistic lifestyle show featuring conversations with published authors/experts on relationships and health and wellness. For more
information, please visit
www.IntersectionsMatch.com. Feel free to submit a Question to be considered for this
column to Jasbina
directly at Jasbina@IntersectionsMatch.com.
30
For Advertising call 404-644-5893 or email info@desiexpress.us
QUESTION
I met a guy online last year. While we
seemed to have little in common, he
expressed interest and I responded.
After communicating via email and
phone for a couple weeks, we met in
person. While meeting him didn't
change my initial impression regarding
having little in common, it was an
enjoyable evening and I did feel
attracted to him. During the next
several months, we continued seeing
each other, but the intensity of my
reservations about the potential of a
long-term relationship with him in-
creased, the more our differences were
revealed. At this point I decided to
resume my dating efforts. Is it okay
ANSWER
by Jasbina Ahluwalia
Generally speaking, in the very early stages of getting acquainted
prior to both people agreeing to be in an exclusive relationship. I see
no harm in dating multiple people at the same time. In fact, I believe
doing so may be beneficial in that it lessens the pressure of the
relationship needing to work out and allows one to figure out what
is most important and compatible in a relationship/life partner.
That said, it appears that, in this case, you believe that no long-term
potential exists with this guy you’ve dated for several months. Since
you enjoy his company, it is worth taking some time to consider
whether your belief of “no long-term potential” is well-founded.
Are the differences between the two of you fundamental, i.e.
incompatible worldviews, life goals, values, priorities, emotional
make-ups, ways of thinking and being?
If so, I do see some trouble looming.
Continuing to see a guy whose company you enjoy, but who
you've determined has no real long-term potential for you can be a
convenient source of comfort, BUT, and this is a big but, that
convenience and comfort often come at an extremely high cost.
The greatest cost which comes to mind is a debilitating distraction
from developing intimacy with a prospective partner with long-term
potential.
Staying in a convenient but casual relationship might result in
missing opportunities with a possible Mr Right. After all, your time
and energy are finite resources.
Ask yourself: while you’re investing these valuable resources on
a guy with no long-term potential, who, and what, might you be
missing out on? Perhaps searching for and corresponding with
promising prospective matches online? Attending events where you
might meet new people? Self-nurturing, be it via physical activity,
spending time with family and friends, and/or pursuing an interest
which feeds your soul?
